Emma's Mixtape

It's kind of perfect for a depressive really, isn't it? Best at being disordered and diseased. Anybody who has been there will remember feeling like they were the absolute prize winner in all round shittiness!
 

John Crace’s review in today’s Guardian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/jan/24/your-voice-in-my-head) expects life in the entertainment industry to be something other than hedonistic and narcissistic. If it were only so, we’d have no Paris Hiltons, Charlie Sheens, Mel Gibsons, Colin Farrells or Housewives of Whatever Hills, then what would our bored little lives be? It begs the question who really suffers indigestion? Look for literary relevance in the classics (and Ms. Forrest’s former novels), Mr. Crace, not Hollywood.
 

Hi Emma
We met last night your book reading in Notting Hill - I was the red and black-haired psychologist/manics fan. I didn't want to monopolise your time last night but really regretted not sharing with you how much of an impact your book had had on me on a personal level as well a the stuff we spoke about regarding the importance of women's voices being heard and valued concerning mental health issues.

I have been through a very similar experience to yours with GH. My GH wasn't a famous movie star but in so many other ways he was incredibly similar; he spent 18 months professing his adoration, saying he'd found his 'One' and eventually talking about wanting us to have a child. I got pregnant very quickly and he said it was the happiest he'd ever been. I felt the same. Then one day when I was 7 months pregnant he said he'd changed his mind, he needed space, he didn't want this anymore and he left. And over night the man I adored turned I to a stranger who no longer acknowledged I or his unborn child existed.

The pain was so bad I houghton I would die and to be fair that seemed like a pretty appealing option at the time. I fantasised about dying in childbirth because Ghent my family wouldn't have to live with the pain of my suicide and at least my child would be safe. Then my son was born and everything changed; the love I felt for him was overwhelming and he'd already been abandoned by one parent - I couldn't let him lose a second. And slowly things got better. Not straight away; my erstwhile companion anorexia came calling but in the end nothing and no one was more important than my child and I got better.

That was 3 years ago and mostly I'm fine now - I have the most beautiful son in the world, a job I love and amazing family and friends. But I haven't been able to shake the feeling of shame - the sense that I should've seen it coming somehow, that there must have been signs I missed. Reading your book gave me a sense of peace about that for the first time as I realised that sometimes people just leave, without any rhyme or reason that you can see and maybe that wasn't my fault.

I'd be really grateful if you didn't publish this comment on your blog as its incredibly personal. I just didn't know how else to get hold of you and it felt important to me to have the opportunity to share this and say thank you for inadvertently helping me to see things a little more clearly. Should you feel like replying my email address is: fragile_cliche@yahoo.co.uk

Hope tonight's reading goes as well as last nights!
Lots of good wishes
Vicki x
 

Lots of excellent reading here, thank you! I was searching on yahoo when I observed your post, I’m going to add your feed to Google Reader, I look forward to a lot more from you.